1899
CXXXII
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal, India,
26th January 1899.
My dear Christina,
Excuse this long delay in replying to your very beautiful note. The fact is, I was once more in the vale of death. The old diabetes has now disappeared. In its place has come what some doctors call asthma, others dyspepsia, owing to nervous prostration. However, it is a most worrying disease, giving one the sensation of suffocation--sometimes for days. I am best only in Calcutta; so I am here for rest and quiet and low diet. If I get well by March, I am going to start for Europe. Mrs. Bull and others are gone; sorry I could not accompany them owing to this disease.
I have carefully weighed your plans for coming over. I will be ever so glad to see you, you know it well; but, my dear, the Indian summer will not suit you, and if you start now it will be midsummer when you reach India. Then, you must not hope of making any living here. It is impossible for me to make a living most times in my own country. Then all the surroundings are so, so wretched and different from what you see around you, e.g. you will find me going about in loin-cloth--will that shock you? Three-fourths of the population only wearing a strip of white cloth about their loins--can you bear that?
I must stop here; I am so weak. If I do not get well by March, I will write you to come, for I wish it ever so much to see you once before I pass away.
Do not be the least anxious, dear. Things must be as "Mother" wishes. Ours is only to obey and work.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
PS. Mrs. Bull will reach Cambridge, Mass., soon. You may write to her there on the particulars.
Yours,
V.
PS. I have again lost your address. Please give the correct one in your next.
V.
CXXXVIII
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal, India,
10th May 1899.
My dear Christina,
I am getting better again. In my mind the whole of my complaint is bad assimilation of food and nervous exhaustion. The first, I am taking care of; the second will completely pass off when I meet you again. The great joy of meeting old, old friends, you know! Cheer up! There is no cause for anxiety. Do not believe a single desponding line I write now, because I am at times not myself. I get so nervous.
I start this summer for Europe anyway, as you say in America. With all love and blessings,
Yours ever in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
CXL
To Sister Christine
Suez,
14th July 1899.
My dear Christina,
You see this time I am really out, and hope to reach London in two weeks. I am sure to come to America this year and earnestly hope will have the opportunity of seeing you. I am so materialistic yet, you know! Want to see my friends in the gross body.
I had a beautiful letter from Baby [Stella Campbell] before I left. I am soon going to pen a reply to your care, as directed. I could not write her earlier.
I was so, so bad in health in India. My heart went wrong all the way--what with mountain climbing, bathing in glacier water and nervous prostration! I used to get terrible fits [of asthma]--the last lasting about seven days and nights. All the time I was suffocating and had to stand up.
This trip has almost made a new man of me. I feel much better and, if this continues, hope to be quite strong before I reach America. How are you? What are you doing? Write everything about yourself, c/o E. T. Sturdy Esq., 25 Holland Villas Road, London, W.
With everlasting love and blessings,
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
CXLI
To Sister Christine
Marseilles,
23rd July 1899.
My dear Christina,
Your very, very welcome wire just came. By next Sunday 133 we arrive in London, Albert Dock. 134 We are a party of four: myself, another Sannyasin, 135 a Calcutta boy 136 going to study in America, and Miss [Margaret] Noble. Miss Noble is a young lady from Wimbledon, near London, who has been working in India on the education of girls.
Our stay in England will not be long, I am afraid, as this is neither the season nor am I in fit condition to work much. Anyhow, we will be in London a few weeks--at least myself--then go to the U.S. We will talk over all this and infinite things besides when we meet. I do not think even English summer days are long enough for all the chatter I will assail you with.
We go to Wimbledon for a day or two, and then I come back to London and find lodgings for myself and make plans.
Come to the Dock if that is possible and discreet. Yes, it is discreet, as there is a lady in the party and others will come to meet her. Only, Christina, don't if you feel the least tired or unwell. I hope you are enjoying London immensely.
The Orientals do not like any effusion of feeling. They are trained to hide all expression.
Is Mrs. Funkey [Mary Caroline Funke] with you? If so, give her my best love.
I am much, much better just now. I am really quite another man this time. I was nearly dead in Calcutta when I started, but this voyage has improved me immensely.
Hoping soon to see you,
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
CXLII
To Sister Christine
telegram
to: Christina Grinnstidel [Greenstidel]
23 Crowhurst Rd., Angell Rd.
Briaton, Ldn.
30 July 1899
Golconda due docks 6 am Monday. 137
CXLIII
To Mrs. Ole Bull
The Lymes, Woodside
Wimbledon, England
6 August 1899
My dear Mother,
Your letter directed to Sturdy at hand. I am very thankful for your kind words. As for me, I don't know what I am to do next or anything to do at all. On board the steamer I was all right, but since landing [I am] feeling quite bad again. As to mental worry, there has been enough of late. The aunt whom you saw had a deep-laid plan to cheat me, and she and her people contrived to sell me a house for 6,000 Rs., or 400, and I bought [it] for my mother in good faith. Then they would not give me possession, hoping that I would not go to court for the shame of taking forcible possession as a Sannyasin.
I do not think I have spent even one rupee from what you and others gave me for the work. Cap. Sevier gave me 8,000 Rs. with the express desire of helping my mother. This money, it seems, has [also] gone to the dogs. Beyond this, nothing has been spent on my family or even on my own personal expenses
--my food etc. being paid for by the Khetri Raja, and more than half of that went to the Math every month. Only, if Brahmananda spends some in the lawsuit [against the aunt], as I must not be robbed that way--if he does, I will make it good anyway, if I live to do it.
The money which I got in Europe and America by lecturing alone, I spent just as I like; but every cent I got for the work has been accounted for and is in the Math, and the whole thing ought to be clear as daylight if Brahmananda never cheated me. I don't believe he will ever cheat me. I got a letter at Aden from Saradananda th at they were preparing an account. I have not received any yet.
I have no plans yet, nor care to make any. Neither do I wish to work. Let the Mother find other workers. I have my burden enough already.
Ever your devoted son,
Vivekananda
CXLVII
Ridgely,
4th Sept., 1899.
Dear Mrs. Bull,
. . . Mother knows best, that is all about me. . . .
Yours etc.,
VIVEKANANDA.
CXLI
To Mrs. Ole Bull
Ridgely Manor,
4th September, 1899.
My Dear Mother {Mrs. Bull},
It is an awful spell of the bad turn of fortune with me last six months. Misfortune follows me ever wherever I go. In England, Sturdy seems to have got disgusted with the work; he does not see any asceticism in us from India. Here no sooner I reach than Olea gets a bad attack.
Shall I run up to you? I know I cannot be of much help, but I will try my best in being useful.
I hope everything will soon come right with you, and Olea will be restored to perfect health even before this reaches you. Mother knows best; that is all about me.
Ever yours affectionately,
Vivekananda.
CXLV
To Sister Christine
Ridgely Manor,
20th September 1899.
Dear Christina,
I am much better, thank you. Hitherto, excepting three days, ther e has not been any wet weather to speak of here. Miss [Margaret] Noble came yesterday, and we are having a jolly good time. I am very, very sorry to say I am growing fat again. That is bad. I wi ll eat less and grow thin once more.
You are again at work--so do I find--only with a little variation of the old occupation. Better rest than mere idling. Do you like my new poem? 138 Miss Noble thinks it is nice. But that is her way with everything I do. So you also say. I will now send my writings to missionary papers to get a fierce criticism.
With all love to you and Mrs. Funkey [Funke],
Ever yours affectionately,
Vvekananda.
CXLVI
To Mrs. G. W. Hale
Ridgely Manor
5 October 1899
My dear Mother Church,
Many, many thanks for your kind words.
I am so glad you are working on as ever. I am glad because the wa ve of optimism has not caught you yet. It is all very well to say everything is right, but that is apt to degenerate into a sort of laissez-faire. I believe with you that the world is evil --
made more hideous with a few dashes of good.
All our works have only this value, that they awaken some to the reality of this horror--and [those] flee for refuge to some place beyond, which is called God, or Christ, or Brahma, or Buddha, etc . Names do not make much difference.
Again, we must always remember ours is only to work--
we never attain results. How can we? Good can never be done witho ut doing evil. We cannot breathe a breath without killing thousan ds of poor little animals. National prosperity is another name fo r death and degradation to millions of other races. So is individual prosperity the beggaring of many. The world is evil
--and will ever remain so. It is its nature, and cannot be changed--"Which one of you by taking thought . . ." etc. 139
Such is truth. The wisdom is therefore in renunciation, that is, to make the Lord our all in all. Be a true Christian, Mother--like Christ, renounce everything and let the heart and soul and body belong to Him and Him alone. All this nonsense which people have built round Christ's name is not His teaching. He taught to renounce. He never says the earth is an enjoyable place. And your time has come to get rid of all vanities
--even the love of children and husband--and think of the Lord and Him alone.
Ever your Son,
Vivekananda
CXLVII
To Mrs. G. W. Hale
[Ridgely Manor], New York, N.Y.
23 October 1899
My dear Mother,
I was taking a few days' complete rest and so am late in replying to your very kind note. Accept my congratulations on the anniversary of your marriage. I pray many, many such returns may come to you.
I am sure my previous letter was coloured by the state of my body , as indeed is the whole of existence to us. Yet, Mother, there i s more pain than pleasure in life. If not, why do I remember you and your children almost every day of my life, and not many other s? Happiness is liked so much because it is so rare, is it not? Fifty percent of our life is mere lethargy, ennui; of the rest, forty percent is pain, only ten happiness--and this for the exceptionally fortunate. We are oft-times mixing up this state of ennui with pleasure. It is rather a negative state, whilst both pleasure and pain are nearer positive, though not positive.
Pleasure and pain are both feeling, not willing. They are only processes which convey to the mind excitements or motives of action. The real positive action is the willing, or impulse to work, of the mind--begun when the sensation has been taken in (pleasure and pain); thus the real is neither pleasure nor pain. It has no connection with either. Quite different from either. The barking of the dog awakens his master to guard against a thief or receive his dearest friend. It does not follow, therefore, that the dog and his master are of the same nature or have any degree of kinship. The feelings of pleasure or pain similarly awaken the soul to activity, without any kinship at all.
The soul is beyond pain, beyond pleasure, sufficient in its own nature. And no hell can punish it, nor any heaven can bless it. S o far philosophy.
I am coming soon to Chicago, and hope to say "Lord bless you" to you and your children. All love as usual to my Christian relative s, scientific or quacks.
Vivekananda
CXLVIII
To Sister Christine
C/o F. H. Leggett, Esq.,
Ridgely Manor,
Stone Ridge, Ulster Co., N.Y.
25th October 1899.
Dear Christina,
What is the matter with you? Write me a line to tell me how you a re and what you are doing now.
I am tired of this place, and will come down to New York for a fe w days soon. I start thence for Chicago and, if you like, will st op at Detroit on my way to How-do-you-do. I am much better, indeed quite a different man, though not completely cured--for that, time is necessary.
Yours,
Vivekananda.
CXLIX
To Sister Christine
Rdgely Manor,
30th October 1899.
My dear Christina,
Did you not get my last letter? I am very anxious to know how you are. Write a line to tell me you are in very good health.
I am afraid the previous one was misdirected, so I send this c/o Mrs. Funkey [Funke].
Do write soon. I am thinking of Battle Creek food. 140 Baby insists on that. Do you think it will do me any good? Write soon.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
PS--Where is this Battle Creek? Is it near Detroit? I am seriousl y thinking of giving it a trial. I am not bad, but unfit for any exertion, even for a walk. This sort of life is no good to live. I [will] try Battle Creek, and if that fails, get out quick.
V.
Write me about Battle Creek.
V.
CL
To Sister Christine
Ridgely Manor,
4th November 1899.
My dear Christina,
The letter was all right in reaching. It was only my nervousness. I am sure you will understand and excuse this. I eagerly expect t o see you in Cambridge. I am going to New York next week. Thence I go for a few days to Washington and then to Cambridge. Do come. And mind you, I must learn German. I am determined to be a French and German scholar. French, I think, I can manage with the help of a dictionary. If I can do that much German in a month, I will be so glad.
It naturally takes time for a letter to reach from here. We have one delivery and one posting a day.
With all love,
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
My eternal love and blessings to Mrs. Funkey [Funke].
CLI
To Sister Christine
21 West 34th Street,
New York,
10th November 1899.
My dear Christina,
I received your letter just now. I am now in New York. Dr. [Egber t] Guernsey analysed my urine yesterday, and there was no sugar o r albumen in it. So my kidneys are all right, at least at present. The heart is only nervous, requires calming!--some cheer ful company and good, loving friends and quiet. The only difficulty is the dyspepsia, and that is the evil. For instance, I am all right in the morning and can walk miles, but in the evening it is impossible to walk after a meal--the gas--that depends entirely up on food, does it not? I ought to try the Battle Creek food. If I come to Detroit, there will be quiet and Battle Creek food for me .
But if you come to Cambridge with all the instructions of the Battle Creek food, I will have it prepared there; or, between you and me, we will cook it. I am a good hand at that. You don't know a thing about cooking. Well, you may help in cleaning the plates etc. I always get money when I need it badly. "Mother" always see s to that. So, no danger on that head. I am not in the least danger of life, the Doctors agree--only if this dyspepsia goes away. And that is "food", "food", "food", and no worry. Oh, what a worry I have had! Say we go somewhere else and make a little party and keep house ourselves. In Cambridge, Mrs. Bull has a quiet separate place--her studio house. You can have rooms there. I wish you to know Mrs. Bull. She is a saint, a real saint, if ever there was one. Wait for my next letter. I will write today again, or tomorrow after seeing Mrs. Bull.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
CLII
To Sister Christine
C/o Dr. E. Guernsey,
180 West 59th Street,
New York,
12th November 1899.
Christina--
Mrs. Bull has gone to Boston without seeing me. I am with the Guernseys. All today laid up with colds.
Oh, these nasty colds. The doctor here declares my case as entire ly one of nervous exhaustion. Even the dyspepsia is entirely nervous.
I will be a few days yet here, and then I don't know where I go. I have a great mind to try health food. As for you, write unreservedly where you [would] like me to be. If you think it bes t for me to come to Detroit, write or wire on receipt of this. I will come immediately. Only difficulty is now the dyspepsia.
With love to Mrs. Funkey [Funke],
Ever yours with blessings,
Vivekananda.
P.S. If Cambridge is best, say that immediately.
V.
CLIII
To Mrs. Ole Bull
180 W. 59,
C/o E. Guernsey, M.D.,
12 November 1899
Dear Mrs. Bull--
I am laid up with a bad cold. The clothes are not ready--
they will be next week. I don't know what my next step will be. D r. Guernsey is very kind. Several Doctors have examined me and no ne could detect any organic disease.
Even the kidney complications for the present have disappeared.
Well, the whole thing is then dyspepsia. I want ever so much to t ry Battle Creek food. There is a restaurant which cooks only Batt le Creek food. Do you think it should be best for me to try it ju st now? If so, I go to Detroit. In that case, send me my terracotta, thick cashmere coat.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda
CXLVII
To Mrs. Ole Bull
C/o E. Guernsey, M.D.,
The Madrid, 180 W. 59,
15th November, 1899.
My Dear Mrs. Bull,
After all I decide to come to Cambridge just now. I must finish the stories I began. The first one I don't think was given back to me by Margo.
My clothes will be ready the day after tomorrow, and then I shall be ready to start; only my fear is, it will be for the whole winter a place for becoming nervous and not for quieting of nerves, with constant parties and lectures. Well, perhaps you can give me a room somewhere, where I can hide myself from all the goings on in the place. Again I am so nervous of going to a place where indirectly the Indian Math will be. The very name of these Math people is enough to frighten me. And they are determined to kill with these letters etc.
Anyhow, I come as soon as I have my clothes--this week. You need not come to New York for my sake. If you have business of your own, that is another matter. I had a very kind invitation from Mrs. Wheeler of Montclair. Before I start for Boston, I will have a turn-in in Montclair for a few hours at least.
I am much better and am all right; nothing the matter with me except my worry, and now I am sure to throw that all overboard.
Only one thing I want--and I am afraid I cannot get it of you--there should be no communication about me in your letters to India even indirect. I want to hide for a time or for all time. How I curse the day that brought me celebrity!
With all love,
Vivekananda.
CLIV
To Sister Christine
21 West 34th Street,
New York,
21st November 1899.
My dear Christina,
Circumstances have so fallen that I have to start for California tomorrow. It is for my physical benefit too; as the doctor says, I had better be off where the severe winter of the North cannot reach.
Well, thus my plans are made and marred. Anyway--come over to Cambridge when you feel like it. Mrs. Bull will only be too happy to do anything for you she can.
I hope to stop in Detroit on my way back. The Lord's will--as we say.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
CLV
To Mrs. Ole Bull
Chicago
30 November 1899
My dear Dhira Mata--
I am going to leave this place tonight. They have given me a new trunk--a big one. The Maspero book 142 is with me, only the second volume. The first volume must be in Boston. Kindly send it c/o Jo e [Miss Josephine MacLeod].
They have been very kind. Madame [Emma] Calv came to see me day before yesterday. She is a great woman.
I have nothing to write here except that Margo [Sister Nivedita] is doing very well, except some people were complaining last night that she frightened them with her assertion that Swami can not make mistakes!!!
Hope things are going on with you very well. This is in haste. I write in length from California.
Ever your son,
Vivekananda
My love to Mrs. [Olea] Vaughn. 143
CLVI
To Mrs. G. W. Hale
The California Limited
Snta Fe Route
1 December 1899
My dear Mother,
Excuse this scrawl as the train is dancing.
I passed a good night and hope to have a good time all through. With all love for the sisters and Mr. [Clarence] Woolley 144 and Bud and Father Pope.
With love,
Vivekananda
CLVIII
To Mrs. G. W. Hale
Los Angeles
6 December 1899
My dear Mother,
A few lines to say my safe arrival and am going to resume my usua l work of lecturing here.
I am much better than I was in Chicago and hope soon to become we ll again.
I cannot tell you how I enjoyed once more the little visit with m y American Mother and Sisters.
Harriet has scored a triumph really. I am charmed with Mr. Woolley--only hope Mary will be equally fortunate. It gives me a new lease of life to see people happy. May they all be happy.
Ever with love, your son,
Vivekananda
CLIX
To Sister Christine
921 West 21st Street,
Los Angeles,
9th December 1899.
My dear Christina,
After all, it is good for me, and good for those I love, that I should come here. Here at last in California! One of our poets says: "Where is Benares, where is Kashmir, where Khorasan, where Gujarat! O Tulsi! thus, man's past Karma drags him on". And I am here. After all it is best, isn't it? Are you going to Boston? I am afraid you are not. I have not unsettled any of your plans, have I?--unnecessary expenses? Well, if any, I will make it up. Only the trouble is yours. I am ashamed of my eccentricities. Well, how are you? What are you doing? How are things going with you? Sleep if you can; it is better to sleep than get awakened. I pray that all good may come to thee--all peace, all strength to do and suffer. I have a great deal of strength to do, but very little to suffer.
I am so selfish again, always thinking of my own sufferings and paying no heed to others. Pray for me; send strong thoughts that I may have strength to suffer. I know you will. Now, I mean to remain a few weeks in this city. After that, "Mother" knows. I am physically much better now than I have been for months. The weakness of the heart is nearly gone. The dyspepsia is also much better, and [there is] very little. I can walk miles now without feeling it in the heart. If this continues, I expect to have a ne w lease on life. I am so, so sorry of asking you to come to Bosto n and flying away. If you are there, I hope you will enjoy the place and the meetings. If you have given it up--well, did you ta ke leave and not go to Boston? My! what a bungle! Well, I ask a thousand pardons, if such is the case. Things must look brighter anyway, sooner or later. What of these little, few days of life!
How is Mrs. Funke? Loads of love for her. How long a leave [do] y ou get at Christmas? When does it begin? If you feel inclined and willing, write me a long note, will you? But don't tell my friend s my whereabouts. I want to be off from the world for a time, if I can. Will you kindly send Mr. Freer's address to Mrs. Bull? She needs it. I had a lecture here last night. The hall was not crowded, as there was very little ad[vertisement], but a fairly good-sized audience though. I hope they were pleased. If I feel better, I am going to have classes in this city soon. I am on the business path this time, you know. Want a few dollars quick, if I can.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
CL
12th Dec., 1899
My dear Mrs. Bull,
You are perfectly right; I am brutal, very indeed. But about the tenderness etc., that is my fault. I wish I had less, much less of that -- that is my weakness -- and alas! all my sufferings have come from that. Well, the municipality is trying to tax us out -- good; that is my fault as I did not make the Math public property by a deed of trust. I am very sorry I use harsh language to my boys; but they also know I love them more than anybody else on earth. I may have had Divine help -- true; but oh, the pound of blood every bit of Divine help has been to me !! I would be gladder and better man without that. The present looks very gloomy indeed; but I am a fighter and must die fighting, not give way -- that is why I get crazy at the boys.
I don't ask them; to fight, but not to hinder my fight.
I don't grudge my fate. But oh, now I want a man, one of my boys, to stand by me and fight against all odds! Don't you vex yourself; if anything is to be done in India, my presence is necessary; and I am much better in health; possible the sea will make me better. Anyway I did not do anything this time in America except bother my friends. Possibly Joe will help me out with the passage, and I have some money with Mr. Legget. I have hopes of collecting some money in India yet. I did not see any of my friends in different parts of India. I have hope of collecting the fifteen thousand that will make up the fifty thousand, and a deed of trust will bring down the municipal taxes. If I cannot collect that -- it is better to struggle and die for it than vegetate here in America. My mistakes have been great; but everyone of them was from too much love. How I hate love! Would I never had any Bhakti! Indeed, I wish I could be an Advaitist, calm and heartless. Well, this life is done. I will try in the next. I am sorry, especially now, that I have done more injury to my friends than there have been blessings on them. The peace, the quiet I am seeking I, never found.
I went years ago to the Himalayas, never to come back; and my sister committed suicide, the news reached me there, and that weak heart flung me off from that prospect of peace! It is the weak heart that has driven me out of India to seek some help for those I love, and here I am! Peace have I sought, but the heart, that seat of Bhakti, would not allow me to find it. Struggle and torture, torture and struggle. Well, be it then, since it is my fate, and the quicker it is over, the better. They say I am impulsive, but look at the circumstances!!! I am sorry I have been the cause of pain to you, to you above all, who love me so much, who have been so, so kind. But it is done -- was a fact. I am now going to cut the knot or die in the attempt.
Ever your son,
VIVEKANANDA.
P.S: As Mother wants it, so let it be. I am going to beg of Joe as passage via San Francisco to India. If she gives it, I start immediately via Japan. It would take a month. In India, I think, I can raise some money to keep things straight or on a better footing -- at least to have things where I get them all muddled. The end is getting very dark and very much muddled; well, I expected it so. Don't think I give in in a moment. Lord bless you; if the Lord has made me His hack to work and die on the streets, let Him have it. I am more cheerful just now after your letter than I was for years -- Wah Guru ki Fateh! Victory unto the Guru!! Yes, let the world come, the hells come, the gods come, let Mother come, I fight and do not give in. Ravana got his released in three births by fighting the Lord Himself! It is glorious to fight Mother.
All blessings on you and yours. You have done for me more, much more, than I deserved ever.
Love to Christine and Turiyananda.
VIVEKANANDA.
CLXI
To Sister Christine
921 West 21st Street,
Los Angeles,
27th December 1899.
Dear Christina,
So you are awake and can't go to sleep any more. Good! Keep awake, wide awake. It was good I came here. For, in the first place, I am cured. What do you think of this--able to walk, and every day walk three miles after a heavy dinner! Good! Isn't it?
I am making money fast--twenty-five dollars a day now. Soon I will work more and get fifty dollars a day. In San Francisco I hope to do still better--where I go in two or three weeks. Good again--better, say I--as I am going to keep the money all to myself and not squander it any more. And then I will buy a little place in the Himalayas--a whole hill--about say, six thousand feet high with a grand view of the eternal snows. There must be springs and a tiny lake. Cedars--the Himalayan cedar forests--and flowers, flowers everywhere. I will have a little cottage; in the middle, my vegetable gardens, which I will work myself--and--and--and--my books--and see the face of man only once in a great while. And the world may go to ruin round about my ears, I would not care. I will have done with all my work--secular or spiritual--and retire. My! how restless I have been all my life! Born nomad. I don't know; this is the present vision. The future is to come yet. Curious--all my dreams about my own happiness are, as it were, bound to come to nothing; but about others' well-being--
they as a rule prove true.
I am so glad you are happy and peaceful under Mrs. Bull's hospitable roof. She is a great, great woman--one whom to see is a pilgrimage.
No snow here--exactly like northern India in winter. Some days, even warmer--cool in the morning and evening, in the middle of the day, warm, in the sun, hot. The roses are about us, gardens everywhere, and the beautiful palms. But I like the snow: crisp, crackling under the feet, white, white, white--all round white!
I don't think I have anything with the kidneys or the heart. The whole thing was about indigestion and it is now nearly cured. A month more, and I will be strong like a lion and hardy like a mule. The poor English are getting it hot from the Boers. Mourning in every home in England and still the war goes on. Such is human folly. How long will it take for man to become civilized! Will wars ever cease? Mother knows! The New Year is sure to bring about a great change. Pray some good may come to India. I send you all joy, all love, all success for the New Year and many, many more to come.
So you did well, you think, by coming to Mrs. Bull. I am glad. I wanted you to know Mrs. Bull thoroughly. Remain there as long as you can. It will do you good, I am sure. Take heart and be of cheer, for next year is sure to bring many joys and a hundred blessings.
Yours truly,
Vivekananda.
CXXXIII
To Swami Brahmananda
The Math, Belur
Friday [March (?) 1899]
My dear Raja,
Please pay 100 Rs. to Sister Nivedita immediately for plague work and credit it to a separate plague account.
Yours affectionately,
Vivekananda
CLX
To Swami Brahmananda
[Swami Vivekananda sent the following cablegram to his brother-monk.]
[Postmarked: December 13, 1899]
Perfectly cured. Bless all. Vivekananda.
CLI
To Mrs. Ole Byll
22nd December, 1899.
My Dear Dhira Mata {Mrs. Bull},
I have a letter from Calcutta today, from which I learn your cheques have arrived; a great many thanks and grateful words also came.
Miss Souter of London sends me a printed New Year's greetings. I think she must have got the accounts you sent her by this time.
Kindly send Saradananda's letters that have come to your care.
As for me, I had a slight relapse of late, for which the healer has rubbed several inches of my skin off.
Just now I am feeling it, the smart. I had a very hopeful note from Margo. I am grinding on in Pasadena; hope some result will come out of my work here. Some people here are very enthusiastic; the Raja-Yoga book did indeed great services on this coast. I am mentally very well; indeed I never really was so calm as of late. The lectures for one thing do not disturb my sleep, that is some gain. I am doing some writing too. The lectures here were taken down by a stenographer, the people here want to print them.
I learn they are well and doing good work at the Math--from Swami Saradananda's letter to Joe. Slowly as usual plans are working; but Mother knows, as I say. May She give me release and find other workers for Her plans. By the by, I have made a discovery as to the mental method of really practising what the Gita teaches, of working without an eye to results. I have seen much light on concentration and attention and control of concentration, which if practised will take us out of all anxiety and worry. It is really the science of bottling up our minds whenever we like. Now what about yourself, poor Dhira Mata! This is the result of motherhood and its penalties; we all think of ourselves, and never of the Mother. How are you? How are things going on with you? What about your daughter? about Mrs. Briggs?
I hope Turiyananda is completely recovered now and working. Poor man, suffering is the lot! Never mind; there is a pleasure in suffering even, when it is for others, is there not? Mrs. Leggett is doing well; so is Joe; I--they say--I too am. May be they are right. I work anyway and want to die in harness; if that be what Mother wants, I am quite content.
Ever your son,
Vivekananda.
CLII
To Mrs. Ole Bull
921 W. 21st Street,
Los Angeles.,
27th December, 1899.
Beloved Dhira Mata {Mrs. Bull},
An eventful and happy New Year to you and many such returns!
I am much better in health--able enough to work once more. I have started work already and have sent to Saradananda some money--Rs. 1,300 already--as expenses for the law suit. I shall send more, if they need it. I had a very bad dream this morning and had not any news of Saradananda for three weeks. Poor boys! How hard I am on them at times. Well, they know, in spite of all that, I am their best friend.
Mr. Leggett has got a little over ?500 I had with Sturdy on account of Raja-Yoga and the Maharaja of Khetri. I have now about a thousand dollars with Mr. Leggett. If I die, kindly send that money to my mother. I wired to the boys three weeks ago that I was perfectly cured. If I don't get any worse, this much health as I have now will do well enough. Do not worry at all on my account; I am up and working with a will.
I am sorry I could not write any more of the stories. I have written some other things and mean to write something almost every day.
I am very much more peaceful and find that the only way to keep my peace is to teach others. Work is my only safety valve.
I only want some clear business head to take care of the details as I push onwards and work on. I am afraid it will be a long time to find such in India, and if there are any, they ought to be educated by somebody from the West.
Again, I can only work when thrown completely on my own feet. I am at my best when I am alone. Mother seems to arrange so. Joe believes great things are brewing--in Mother's cup; hope it is so.
Joe and Margot have developed into actual prophets, it seems. I can only say, every blow I had in this life, every pang, will only become joyful sacrifice if Mother becomes propitious to India once more.
Miss Greenstidel writes a beautiful letter to me, about you most of it. She thinks a lot about Turiyananda too. Give Turiyananda my love. I am sure he will work well. He has the pluck and stamina.
I am going soon to work in California; when I leave I shall send for Turiyananda and make him work on the Pacific coast. I am sure here is a great field. The Raja-Yoga book seems to be very well known here. Miss Greenstidel had found great peace under your roof and is very happy. I am so glad it is so. May things go a little better with her every day. She has a good business head and practical sense.
Joe has unearthed a magnetic healing woman. We are both under her treatment. Joe thinks she is pulling me up splendidly. On her has been worked a miracle, she claims. Whether it is magnetic healing, California ozone, or the end of the present spell of bad Karma, I am improving. It is a great thing to be able to walk three miles, even after a heavy dinner.
All love and blessings to Olea. My love to Dr. Janes and other Boston friends.
Ever your son,
Vivekananda.