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Letters written from New York
(November)
To Sister Christine
21 West 34th Street,
New York,
10th November 1899.
My dear Christina,
I received your letter just now. I am now in New York. Dr. [Egbert] Guernsey analysed my urine yesterday, and there was no sugar o r albumen in it. So my kidneys are all right, at least at present. The heart is only nervous, requires calming!--some cheer ful company and good, loving friends and quiet. The only difficulty is the dyspepsia, and that is the evil. For instance, I am all right in the morning and can walk miles, but in the evening it is impossible to walk after a meal--the gas--that depends entirely up on food, does it not? I ought to try the Battle Creek food. If I come to Detroit, there will be quiet and Battle Creek food for me .
But if you come to Cambridge with all the instructions of the Battle Creek food, I will have it prepared there; or, between you and me, we will cook it. I am a good hand at that. You don't know a thing about cooking. Well, you may help in cleaning the plates etc. I always get money when I need it badly. "Mother" always see s to that. So, no danger on that head. I am not in the least danger of life, the Doctors agree--only if this dyspepsia goes away. And that is "food", "food", "food", and no worry. Oh, what a worry I have had! Say we go somewhere else and make a little party and keep house ourselves. In Cambridge, Mrs. Bull has a quiet separate place--her studio house. You can have rooms there. I wish you to know Mrs. Bull. She is a saint, a real saint, if ever there was one. Wait for my next letter. I will write today again, or tomorrow after seeing Mrs. Bull.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
To Sister Christine
C/o Dr. E. Guernsey,
180 West 59th Street,
New York,
12th November 1899.
Christina--
Mrs. Bull has gone to Boston without seeing me. I am with the Guernseys. All today laid up with colds.
Oh, these nasty colds. The doctor here declares my case as entire ly one of nervous exhaustion. Even the dyspepsia is entirely nervous.
I will be a few days yet here, and then I don't know where I go. I have a great mind to try health food. As for you, write unreservedly where you [would] like me to be. If you think it bes t for me to come to Detroit, write or wire on receipt of this. I will come immediately. Only difficulty is now the dyspepsia.
With love to Mrs. Funkey [Funke],
Ever yours with blessings,
Vivekananda.
P.S. If Cambridge is best, say that immediately.
V.
To Mrs. Ole Bull
180 W. 59,
C/o E. Guernsey, M.D.,
12 November 1899
Dear Mrs. Bull--
I am laid up with a bad cold. The clothes are not ready--
they will be next week. I don't know what my next step will be. D r. Guernsey is very kind. Several Doctors have examined me and no ne could detect any organic disease.
Even the kidney complications for the present have disappeared.
Well, the whole thing is then dyspepsia. I want ever so much to t ry Battle Creek food. There is a restaurant which cooks only Batt le Creek food. Do you think it should be best for me to try it ju st now? If so, I go to Detroit. In that case, send me my terracotta, thick cashmere coat.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda
Had three treatments already from Helmer.* Going to take some next week. None can do anything for this "wind". That is why dieting should be tried at any cost.
V.
NEW YORK,
15th Nov., 1899.
DEAR MARGOT, (Margaret E. Noble or Sister Nivedita)
. . . On the whole I don't think there is any cause for anxiety about my body. This sort of nervous body is just the instrument to play great music at times and at times to moan in darkness.
Yours etc.,
VIVEKANANDA.
To Mrs. Ole Bull
C/o E. Guernsey, M.D.,
The Madrid, 180 W. 59,
15th November, 1899.
My Dear Mrs. Bull,
After all I decide to come to Cambridge just now. I must finish the stories I began. The first one I don't think was given back to me by Margo.
My clothes will be ready the day after tomorrow, and then I shall be ready to start; only my fear is, it will be for the whole winter a place for becoming nervous and not for quieting of nerves, with constant parties and lectures. Well, perhaps you can give me a room somewhere, where I can hide myself from all the goings on in the place. Again I am so nervous of going to a place where indirectly the Indian Math will be. The very name of these Math people is enough to frighten me. And they are determined to kill with these letters etc.
Anyhow, I come as soon as I have my clothes--this week. You need not come to New York for my sake. If you have business of your own, that is another matter. I had a very kind invitation from Mrs. Wheeler of Montclair. Before I start for Boston, I will have a turn-in in Montclair for a few hours at least.
I am much better and am all right; nothing the matter with me except my worry, and now I am sure to throw that all overboard.
Only one thing I want--and I am afraid I cannot get it of you--there should be no communication about me in your letters to India even indirect. I want to hide for a time or for all time. How I curse the day that brought me celebrity!
With all love,
Vivekananda.
To Miss Mary Hale
1 EAST 39 ST., NEW YORK,
20th November, 1899.
MY DEAR MARY,
I start tomorrow most probably for California. On my way I would stop for a day or two in Chicago. I send a wire to you when I start. Send somebody to the station, as I never was so bad as now in finding my way in and out.
Ever your brother,
VIVEKANANDA.
(Translated from Bengali.)
To Swami Brahmananda
U.S.A.,
20th November, 1899.
MY DEAR RAKHAL,
Got some news from Sharat's letter. . . . Get experience while still there is a chance; I am not concerned whether you win or lose. . . . I have no disease now. Again. . . . I am going to tour from place to place. There is no reason for anxiety, be fearless. Everything will fly away before you; only don't be disobedient, and all success will be yours. . . . Victory to Kâli! Victory to the Mother! Victory to Kali! Wâh Guru, Wah Guru ki Fateh (Victory unto the Guru)!
. . . Really, there is no greater sin than cowardice; cowards are never saved — that is sure. I can stand everything else but not that. Can I have any dealings with one who will not give that up? . . . If one gets one blow, on must return ten with redoubled fury. . . . Then only one is a man. . . . The coward is an object to be pitied.
I bless you all; today, on this day sacred to the Divine Mother, on this night, may the Mother dance in your hearts, and bring infinite strength to your arms. Victory to Kali! Victory to Kali! Mother will certainly come down — and with great strength will bring all victory, world victory. Mother is coming, what dear? Whom to fear? Victory to Kali! At the tread of each one of you the earth will tremble. . . . Victory to Kali! Again onward, forward! Wah Guru! Victory to the Mother! Kali! Kali! Kali! Disease, sorrow, danger, weakness — all these have departed from you all. All victory, all good fortune, all prosperity yours. Fear not! Fear not! The threat of calamity is vanishing, fear not! Victory to Kali! Victory to Kali!
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. I am the servant of the Mother, you are all servants of the Mother — what destruction, what fear is there for us? Don't allow egoism to enter your minds, and let love never depart from your hearts. What destruction can touch you? Fear not. Victory to Kali! Victory to Kali!
V.
To Sister Christine
21 West 34th Street,
New York,
21st November 1899.
My dear Christina,
Circumstances have so fallen that I have to start for California tomorrow. It is for my physical benefit too; as the doctor says, I had better be off where the severe winter of the North cannot reach.
Well, thus my plans are made and marred. Anyway--come over to Cambridge when you feel like it. Mrs. Bull will only be too happy to do anything for you she can.
I hope to stop in Detroit on my way back. The Lord's will--as we say.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
To Swami Brahmananda
21 WEST 34 ST.,
NEW YORK,
21st November, 1899.
MY DEAR BRAHMANANDA,
The accounts are all right. I have handed them over to Mrs. Bull who has taken charge of reporting the different parts of the accounts to different donors. Never mind what I have said in previous harsh letters. They would do you good. Firstly, they will make you business-like in the future to keep regular and clear accounts and get the brethren into it. Secondly, if these scolding don't make you brave, I shall have no more hopes of you. I want to see you die even, but you must make a fight. Die in obeying commands like a soldier, and go to Nirvana, but no cowardice.
It is necessary that I must disappear for some time. Let not anyone write me or seek me during that time, it is absolutely necessary for my health. I am only nervous, that is all, nothing more.
All blessings follow you. Never mind my harshness. You know the heart always, whatever the lips say. All blessings on you. For the last year or so I have not been in my senses at all. I do not know why. I had to pass through this hell — and I have. I am much better — well, in fact. Lord help you all. I am going to the Himalayas soon to retire for ever. My work is done.
Ever yours in the Lord,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. Mrs. Bull sends her love.
V.
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